Never say never....

Thursday, March 15, 2018

I remember before I had kids.  I remember when we adopted our oldest.  I remember all those little things that I used to say.  "I will never"-  you know what I'm talking about.  I will never spank my kids.  I will never yell.  I would never loose my temper.  I will never feed them McDonalds. We subtly pass our judgements of others, as we make a mental list of how perfect parenthood will be.

Then the baby come and reality hits.  Is my son chewing on a stick?  Possibly... McDonald's for the third night in a row... at least a Quarter Pounder offers a few food groups. We finally come to the terms that this parenting thing is hard, and one day we realize we are now where close to knowing all the answers.

When our son was adopted we were told that there was a high chance that he would have ADHD because of possible womb trauma.  My husband and I went through all of our "nevers." Then each year passed and we noticed it become harder and harder for him.  I remember the conversations, all the reading, and more reading. We tried organic.  We tried no Red 40. We tried routines and food changes .  We tried it all, yet we saw with each passing year our DS growing further and further away.  Finally by 2nd grade we knew we needed help.

I remember the day we got the results and we set our son down. We talked to him explaining what we knew.  We were terrified of what he would think, how he would react.  Instead, there was a sigh of relief.  He was so glad to understand and affirm how his brain works different and that he was not alone.  We were on a new journey-- and it's a still going.

Most people think that after a diagnose with ADHD they throw some pills at you and you are good to go.  I know I did. Did you know right now there are 16 types of medicines from 3 different groups.  And med are trial and error.  You just keep trying until one works, and believe me you know when they don't.

No one every tells you the crazy it causes.  A wrong med leads your kid down a hell bent road.  Fits, uncontrollable rage, screaming-- I remember those moments that looked like something out of the Exorcist and thinking what on earth are we doing.  Working weekly with doctors until finally you find the perfect plan.  By perfect I mean one that helps, but might not solve all of the problems.  

Then there are check ups to assure that the treatment plan is right and the meds, some not covered by insurance.  All the while you keep reminding yourself that this is for the best.    Our son has been diagnosed for three years.  It's nice to have an answer to so many of his behaviors, but inside I see this amazing kid who struggles to share his amazing talent and heart.  I look at this disease that holds him back and pray that with the help of God can continue to work to enable him to dream his dreams and make it in this world . 

Looking back now I laugh at how foolish I was to think that I could hold all the answers. That I could read a few books and I would be the perfect parent.  Any parent knows that life does not work like that. This parenting thing is hard, and we should never say never. 

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